I'm back

It all started to come back to me last night. Ok, so I’ll back the truck up a bit to acknowledge that I essentially stopped posting here altogether. I could say I was busy which I was but I’m always pretty busy. That’s the annoying part; lots of interesting, comedic, embarrassing things have happened to me just as they always seem to do but I lost some momentum that pushes me to post them on this lovely green outlet for all my “crazy”. Observations, thoughts and involvement went in and out of me like cigarette smoke.

Back to last night… I was at the Free Library of Philadelphia on Vine for the much anticipated Annie Leibovitz lecture and book signing. I love a good book event and I like it even better at the FLP because I know the way they run their big events so that I can not only see the lecture but know when to cut out early to get to the front of the book signing line right behind the professional eBayers who have no interest in the author or their talk, just their authentic signature for the auction. The last time I was there was to see Garrison Keillor when Liberty came out a little over a month ago and while chatting with the people around me about how much we don’t like Sarah Palin but love her in the media I managed to offend one of those old ladies that hang out at the library and we got into a very awkward argument about the Bush Doctrine. I won’t go into it further. She started it. Moving on, I again was chatting with the fellow Leibovitz while clutching my book for it was soon be marked by a true icon when I thought of something that made me want to kick myself. I didn’t bring my camera. I am not one to bring cameras to these things but how cool would it have been if when I got to the front of the line I handed her my camera and asked her to take my picture. Nothing fancy, just a snapshot but then I could say I had an Annie Leibovitz portrait of myself! The most famous portrait photographer of all time (forget Diane Arbus) took my photograph. That would be one to show the grandkids. She was so kind and gracious when I finally did get my book signed I was sure she would have done it. Ugh! I could really kick myself.

Although I missed this great opportunity I did get something out of it aside from my personalized autograph. For the first time in quite a while I felt clever. I felt like my old self and next time she puts out a book, or any photographer for that matter I will make sure to pack a camera. Finally I feel the momentum building so next time I breathe in the cigarette smoke of personal experiences I will not neglect to blow it in your faces.

SAVE THE DATE

I am having a BIRTHDAY PARTY on Saturday, August 16th! This will be the first party I had to celebrate my birthday since my 21st at Juarez, the token Mexican restaurant in Savannah. I decided to deal with my fear of aging like a big girl and grab 28 by the horns! Last year I spent my special day stuck in bed at my parents house watching t.v. with a bag of frozen peas so this year I plan to do it up.

Balloons in front of the house, goody bags, streamers, maybe a face cake...

Details and Evite to follow.

55 Days and 2.5hrs till the LSAT

Whatever. Make fun of me. I don't care.

I played with Barbies till I was in 6th grade. Sad, I know but if you knew me in middle school I was a pretty sad character in general. I had full braces, brassy unkempt hair, and a fashion sense that was a little too edgy for Cinnaminson Middle School. Think Clarissa Explains it All but not quite daring and I sure as hell didn’t have the confidence to pull off the look. At least I had clear skin…

In general I would prefer to clear my mind of any memory of 1990 through 1994. Ah, but the 80’s. That is when I really shined. I held court daily in the Rush Elementary School Playground. I danced to The Clash & Michael Jackson records with my mom and spent my days playing with Autumn and Timmy in the back yard. Life was good and best of all I had my Chrystal Barbie. I was devastated when I found out my mother threw away/donated all my Barbies as soon as went to college. So today I decided to go to hit up ebay and bid on Chrystal Barbie.

I am currently the high bidder.

I’ll keep you posted on the status of the auction.


http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=280214611793&ssPageName=ADME:B:BCA:US:1123

Do any of you long for a childhood toy you no longer have. Glow Worm, Weebles, Strawberry Shortcake, My Little Pony? Perhaps a Pound Puppy?

Filling Every Hour of Every Day

I have been busy with real estate school and my ongoing Operation Organization (guided by the good people at the HGTV and Style Channel's Clean House) so my posting has been less frequent. Also, since I have a lot going on these days I haven't had much time to sit around and let my mind become preoccupied with random bullshit that I used to post. So, if you have any topics that you think I could create a fun post about send it my way.

In the meantime those who know me know I like Scrubs and cats so here are some funny YouTube clips that I like to watch when I need a quick pick me up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Cuq-Wnov40

http://youtube.com/watch?v=fbn75LITtlc

Did I ever post the Hearding Cats commercial? If not check it out below.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Pk7yqlTMvp8

Part 2

Here it is my loves:

1. Nora - Richard Shindell

I love this song so much. He is one of the premier songwriters in the contemporary folk scene today. His music is melodic and smart. It is from this song that I formed a fascination with the letters written between Heloise and Abalard who's legendary romance was plagued with great pain and misfortune. If you like this song you should buy his compilation with Dar Williams and Lucy Kaplansky; Cry Cry Cry. Or ask me to burn it for you.

2. Some Surprise - Lisa Hannigan & Paul Noonan

Lisa Hannigan is famous for lending vocals to the Damian Rice albums and Paul Noonan is the front man for Bell 1X.

3. Blood and Peanut Butter - B.C. Camplight

A local band who I hear is big in Europe. I cannot confirm this but they did draw a decent crowd when the played at Johnny Brendas.

4. We Get On - Kate Nash

The lyrics are like a poorly written diary entry that somehow really work when set to music. Perez loves this chick.

5. Eve, The Apple of My Eye - Bell 1X

Yup, I like this band.

6. Nobody Knows You When You're Down and Out - Bessie Smith

Gerry & The Jeepsters opened with this song while performing at a sports bar in Rhode Island. I got so drunk that night that I asked my brother-in-law for cash to buy their home made album (I didn't) and loudly proclaimed that if I ever got married I would hire them to play at my reception. There was also a man there with the biggest face tattoo I have ever seen. He caught me staring and I made no attempt to be subtle about it. I think if you are going to get your face tattooed you should expect drunk girls to stare at it when you are out in public.

7. If I Ever Leave This Wold Alive - Flogging Molly

An Irish band I should have saved for my St. Patty's day mix. It's off the P.S. I Love You soundtrack. I will probably rent it when the DVD comes out.

8. Things We Don't Need Anymore - Jenny Owens Young

I listened to this on Perez. Autumn and I loved it. This song describes how I felt Chistmas 2006.

9. Graduation Day - Chis Isaac

10. What's a Girl to Do - Bat for Lashes

11. Lost Count - Ebba Foresberg

This was my anthem for a quite a while a few years back.

12. Sorry - Maria Mena

I am ending this mix on a sad note.

*This is the earliest painting of Heloise and Abalard and art historians say that they are holding an invisible bible. I like to think about why the artist chose to do that.

The New Queen of Mean

You can cut the tension in this office with a machete today for which I am partly responsible. Long story short I told the office manager to “Chill the fuck out” yesterday. Not my finest moment, I know. Not terribly classy or diplomatic either. Those words did not just fly out of my mouth unexpectedly in a way that would cause me to clasp my hand over my mouth in shock either. No, those words were deliberate and clearly enunciated – forced out after wrestling and losing to my better judgment and leaving my frontal lobe in a frozen panic from the impending verbal faux pas.

The argument that spurred my inappropriate language was one where I was in the right. Sadly, my position lost a measurable amount of credibility when I dropped the F-bomb. I knew exactly what I was doing. I knew what I was dealing with (Keith once said “you can’t fight crazy”) and yet instead of diffusing the situation I provoked it for the cheap thrill of winding someone up. This is not to say that I wasn’t legitimately pissed off but to exhibit behavior which can only be described as petulant was not in anyone’s best interest. Because the rest of the office knows that the scary bitch in me has woken I was not adequately reprimanded. I was told, as a side note, to keep the vulgar language in check later by my boss.

Which brings us to today… I have not apologized for my poor choice in words and acting like a total asshole in general - yet. I think I should but I would have to find out how to and still make it clear that I was not in the wrong. I did this. I am responsible for upsetting things.

Maybe I will write it in a note card with cute kittens on the cover. That might be a good idea. She like cats. She has 12.

( the pic is of Leona Helmsley and the dog she left her millions too. she is famous for being a massive bitch)

If you are bored at work today give Jean a visit

My friend Woody (http://www.luckiestmanonearth.com/) hasn't been doing too much updating over the past year which makes me blue.

Luckily (not luckiest woman on earth lucky) I found Jean Teasdale's site of her very own: http://hometowns.cyber-net-village.com/Orlando/7302/Rick/sportzone/misc/folders/Jean/

Sure, its not real and most of you are already familiar with her but it still made me laugh so hard I peed a little. Then I start to think that maybe that I will end up like Jean in 15 or so years. I like cats, fiction, and around the holidays Thomas Kinkade things are somewhat charming...

This guy in my Art After 1945 class did a presentation on Thomas Kinkade. I swear to God! I wish I could have captured the expressions on the other student's faces. The kicker? He got the same grade as I did on my presentation (with slide show) on Issey Miyake A-POC fashion installations. Ridiculous huh? Keep in mind that this was that class with the English bitch.

More Feedback Requested

I feel restless and need a change.

Do you think I should cut my hair short? Above the shoulders short.

I would go this blond if I took the plunge.

Its Good To See You Rocking Out and Having Fun

More good news!

Just adding to my “can’t bring me down” happy disposition these days it seems that the good little things just keep adding up. I think I found someone to take my couch! I can’t wait to get that thing out and check that off my list of things to get done in my house before I stay at my parents.

I can’t wait. Three weeks (2 at Jeanne & Dennis’s house and at least one more at mine) of doing three things I love: watching T.V., reading, and renting movies. I will be forced to relax and hopefully regroup for a fresh start this fall (my favorite season). I started a few books lately and everyone is starting out so good I put it aside for my bed rest as something to look forward to. I am going to watch DVDs of all those tv shows that looked so good but I never watched. There were a few years I didn't have HBO so I have like 4 seasons to watch. Good thing I didn't watch them because now I am in for a treat! I am also stocking up on the food I can’t live without that I don’t want my mom to look for. For instance, I like to eat either All Bran with unsweetened chocolate soymilk or Amy’s scrambled tofu pockets for breakfast. I have edemame, tofutti cuties, Trader Joe’s spicy Thai chili lime peanuts, almond stuffed olives, and Utz cheese doodles (Aidan likes cheese doodles too – these pics are from yesterday when we had Michael over for dinner with the baby at my parent’s house). Basically, I don’t want my mom to have to go out searching for this weird stuff when she will already be doing so much for me.

My brother and cousins and Philly friends promised to come visit me so I won’t be lonely. My cat will be around so what else do I need?

Not a thing. I am one lucky girl! Nothing can bring me down these days and people around me have noticed. Good stuff.

Again, I promise that soon I will come up with something funny to write about.

I saw Knocked Up last night with Autumn and it was wonderful. It is not only funny but really sweet. I recommend you all check it out.

This title is a lyric taken from a song by The Kinks in case you were wondering. Maybe I should explain my titles more often.

Seriously? Seriously.

I have been thinking about it for a long time and now I think its time.

I am getting a boob job.

I am trading in my A-cup for a largish B/ small C. I will be getting this done at Seattle Grace Hospital by famed plastic surgeon Dr. Mark Sloane on August 9th. I know, I know, it’s a long way to go but he’s the best in the biz not to mention totally sexy. Also, I never been to Seattle so I have big plans to watch the guys throw fish at Pike Place Market, catch a Mariner’s game, ride a ferry boat, and maybe drink a cup o’joe at the original Starbucks. My good friend Meredith lives there and she has been going through a lot of rough stuff with her relationships and her mom dying this year. She’s a surgical intern at Seattle Grace so that is another reason I will feel comfortable having the augmentation done there. She says once I am up on my feet we can have a heart to heart at this bar Joe's right across the street from the hospital that all the doctors go to blow off steam.

I will be recuperating at Dennis and Jeanne Oczkowski’s residence for the two weeks after I go under the knife. Please send all flowers and gift baskets to:

240 Locust Lane
Cinnaminson, NJ
08077

After the 23rd you can send them to

1613 E. Berks Street
Philadelphia, PA
19125

Reminder: My birthday is August 20th and information regarding my gift registry will be posted at a later date.

Taking some "Me" time

I realize that the caliber of my posts has been on a steady decline due in part to my rigorous daily posting schedule. The past few days I could not think of anything that I wanted to write about even though things, many things, that happened to me recently are very funny. The dilemma is if I can't write them funny what's the point? I don't claim to be a great writer but I know that I am an entertaining writer. I feel that I must take more time to really consider the merit of posts and not put things up all willy nilly. Otherwise, I feel that this may turn into some 22 year old girl's open diary. That would be sub par to my standards which, as I have made apparent, are not terribly high to begin with. Also, I don't want this to be about me and things I do really, but books, music, pop culture, people, politics, and so on, that affect me or at least make me think. Ok yes, some will still just be entirely about me.

On that note I decided to address this issue by taking a posting sabbatical from time to time to ensure that the quantity does not affect the quality. In essence, be prepared for less frequent postings until I become a wittier lady.

Its for everybody sake. I do hope you understand.

That being said, before I break I must say that though I do not believe that Paris Hilton is not going to become a whole different person, I do think her desire to change her ways is sincere. It won't happen over night but it is my hope she will hit a nice stride where she balances the old frivolous Paris with one who will try to make a change.

She always appeared to be waxy and artificial in photos but in this one showing her exit from jail she looks beautiful. Radiant.

Don't Tell Me Anything Interesting Because I Am Now Devoid of Personality

Yesterday I watched four hours of Charm School on VH1. You know, the Flavor of Love spin off. Best thing I ever did. It was like instead of sticking an ice pick in my eye socket and removing my frontal lobe, my lobotomy was performed by watching a crap marathon. Now my coworkers are commenting on my new subdued state and the faraway look in my eyes. Mindlessness really is bliss and I bet I will have much better luck with men as I am practically a Stepford wife now. My childlike curiosity and need to accumulate as much useless knowledge as possible is…gone…see, I can’t even think of good 50¢ word to use to make the sentence a little more interesting. No desire to consult my trusty thesaurus either.

So, the point is that I have nothing to say, no witty anecdotes, all my favorite French euphemisms that I have devised escape me, and all I want to do is go home and paint still lifes. If only Rose Kennedy and Frances Farmer were still alive so that maybe we could get together and form a “Vacantly Stare at the Wall” Club. That would be...nice.


A side note; Zander my heart, you should not want to post anonymously. As one of the top two funniest people I have ever known you should want to proudly share your gift with the rest of the class.

Call me God Dammit! Its been too long!

A Whole Lot of Nothing

The past couple days I have been very tired despite taking naps on the floor of my dad’s office during lunch and when I get home. I am not sure if I am still recovering from the bad case of the womits I had on Monday (not a typo, Oczkowskis call throwing up “the womits”). I am still getting nauseas and I haven’t been eating much so it is a possibility that I may be malnourished. Another theory is I think I have been sleepwalking again because I woke up with a cut across my forehead and a bruise on a now swollen ankle Tuesday morning. Who knows? So, I am barely making through the workday and I feel sorry for everyone around me. Tired Colleen = Grumpy Colleen.

In other news, Louis the cat caught two mice this week. This is both good and bad. Good he caught it and bad because apparently we have mice. Anyone who claims to know me well knows that I am deathly afraid of rodents. This fear can be traced back to a traumatic experience as a child involving a dead mouse that I won’t get into but it was horrible. Horrible. The thing that I am afraid of is that Louis likes to play with the mouse corpse and Louis likes to bring his Pound Puppy Jermaine into my bed when he sleeps with me and the last thing I need is to wake up to a dead mouse. Though, I have woken up to worse.

Aside from this mouse issue my bathroom door has been acting up. Living alone for so long (and having no shame) resulted in my showering and doing my other business with the door open. As far as I know Clay has no problem with that but for some reason last night I closed the door when I took my shower and after I finished I found that I had locked myself in. I was stuck in there for an hour until Clay came home. Well, 15 minutes trying to get out and 45 minutes giving myself a pedicure and reading the November Vogue from 2004 I found in the linen closet.

Now some sad news. As you all know (or should) Doug from Bravo’s show Workout (left in the picture next to “sex girl” Rebecca, and “pissed Jackie turns hot straight women gay” Andre) died this past January and Clay and I are still in morning. Last night was the season recap with the cast and the Doug montage tore me up. He was such a cool guy and even though the show is only in its second season, I feel like I knew him. Clay and I named one of the garden gnomes after him in his honor.

There is some good news though. Looks like Michael Nutter is going to be our new mayor which is pretty fucking great. It is also just pretty fucking great we don't have to put up with that prick Street anymore. By the way, all you registered Independent jerk offs need to change your status because the primaries are where it all happens. Also, I have made it to a landmark page 100 in Leaves of Grass. 100 down, 5,638 more to go…

No wonder I am so sleepy and after reading this I bet you are too.

Take A Bite of This

On June 3rd my favorite Philly band The Teeth are making an in store appearance at FYE on the fist floor on my office building (100 S. Broad). Stop by if you work near me. Also, I am hitting these two shows below if anyone wants to come with. New Hope is a really cool town so we can do dinner and walk around before the show. The Jefferson Sq. show should be fun too. No problem if you aren’t interested. I know I’m a loser. Such a loser I went to see them play at the Khyber on my birthday a couple years ago. Alone.

May 26 2007
8:00P
John and Peters
New Hope

Jun 20 2007
8:00P
Jefferson Square Park
Philadelphia

Since I am on the subject of how much of a loser I am I think I can pinpoint the lowest level of loserdom that I descended too. One Saturday night this winter I made dinner, poured a glass of wine, and settled in to watch a PBS documentary on the Shakers. No, not on TV, I rented it. Yes, I rented it.

Aren't We Aging Well?

Since I am on the birthday topic today I vow to not spend my special day curled up in fetal position bawling this August 20th. I am going to deal with creeping up on 30 like a big girl. There will be a party. I will get a facial, a salt scrub and a mani/pedi. I will wear a new dress and a feel good about being becoming older and wiser.

Dar sang:
"I'm so glad that you finally made it here,"
"You thought nobody cared, but I did, I could tell,"
And "This is your year," and "It always starts here,"And oh "You're aging well."

This picture is from my 21st birthday party after dinner at Juarez where I consumed a Margarita as big as my head. This was taken in the kitchen of my apartment after and I honestly do not remember the names of these people but I know I worked with them at the Olde Pink House.

Clearly I had a good time.

That was the last birthday I ever did anything or let anybody do anything for it.

Who Am I? Who Am I?

I kind of feel as though this blog should have a purpose, but I don't think if I had one it would not be true to myself as I have yet to find my purpose. Instead I decided that this will just be an open email to all my friends and foes (if any of them read this, please let me know so I don't talk shit about you).

I also decided that I would not post pictures of myself but I thought I should at least put up one. This is a rare make-up free picture (probably why I am covering my face) taken by my girl Kate in Atlanta. I may post more in the future but really, who needs to see picutures of yours truely. Momma said I have a face for blogging and there are much more interesting images out there anyway.

Calvin Loves Alice And I Love Calvin

Last night I got to thinking (uh oh) about what was wrong with me in the most self indulgent way. I am always teetering on embracing or despising my single status. I like being single, don’t get me wrong, but I begin to wonder if that is the way I am forever ment to be and more importantly if that it is my fault.

When I feel insecure about this I like to think about Diane Keaton who has never been married or even proposed to. I think there is something not right with a world where someone as beautiful, smart, and funny does not have hoards of men of all ages lined up around the block just to see her. In the movie Something’s Gotta Give they poorly explored this idea by casting her opposite Jack Nicholson who essentially played the same character as he did in Terms of Endearment. Amanda Peet plays her daughter (or herself) as the pretty, vapid, and terribly uninteresting girl clinging to an older more established man to give her the credibility that she is just too ordinary and uninspired to earn herself. Just because she has brown hair that doesn’t mean she is smart (read an interview with Ms. Peet and you may think the pages got stuck together with a Paris Hilton profile). In short, she plays the stereotypical “girlfriend” role and that is a bad, but far to frequently accurate stereotype. The movie is shit. Despite how the story plays out, when the cameras stop rolling the Jack will go back to the Lara Flynn Boyles waifs of Hollywood and Diane will be, well fabulous Diane.

Now I am not saying I am Diane Keaton (although I see a lot of myself in Annie Hall, I don’t know if others would agree) but I wonder is she is haunted by the same sense of inadequacy that I am from time to time. I wonder if she sits around feeling ugly and weird when she faces dissapointments in her life. Well, I don't usually feel ugly but I am weird and much of it may be a result of never being in a relationship too long. For example, if I was spending all my free time with a boyfriend I doubt I would have went to that Sidda Yoga cult retreat chanting on mats and praising a guru instead of practicing my downward dog and sun salutations which is what I thought I signed up for. I probably would have been talked out of my weeklong brown rice fast or the whole six months when I went Macrobiotic. If I had a boyfriend at Villanova would I have left to find something better and more exciting for me? Would I have flown to Miami for the weekend at the spur of the moment by myself last winter without telling a soul because I felt I needed some sunshine, change of scenery, and solitude? Maybe I would have felt complacent in my professional life and not pushed so hard for promotions and raises. I doubt I would have even bought my house.

This past winter I was at a David Berkeley show at WXPN and I ran into a friend of a friend and her live-in boyfriend. She was asking me about my house and job as we were talking about music and such. Her boyfriend was a nice guy but did not hide his distain for the performers subsequently making the show less enjoyable for us. Why on earth was he even there, I wondered. Why didn’t she just go by herself and not have to listen to his incessant bitching or have to apologize for wanting to be there and then thank him for coming along. Fuck that shit. Later in the evening between sets he asked me where my boyfriend was. I told him I didn’t have one to which he said “I thought you said you bought a house?” I should have been mad but instead I felt as thought I was just punched in the gut. All the equity in the world couldn’t help me from feeling so small. The cheese stands alone.

The main problem that I seem to run into is that people get bored of me after three months. Everybody tells me it is them and not me (of course they do, they are my friends and they love me) but the evidence speaks volumes. I can’t change and don’t really want to, I don’t think… Am I failing or is the universe sparing me from limiting my bizarre personal growth until I find someone like Albert Brooks or writer Calvin Trillin(?), both of whom I adore for their humor and kindness. Calvin Trillin dedicated everything he wrote to his wife Alice (who was an amazing individual and pictured with Calvin above) and referenced her in his writing so much that I once read a quote given by their friend Nora Ephron that went something like "any woman who reads Calvin's books or articles is going to be cursed wondering everytime they are with a man, if he can love her as Calvin loves Alice." As a Trillin fan I think I fall into that group.


In the meantime I am been building a little life of my own that isn’t to shabby but I am impatient. Not to find someone but to know if I ever will. I would like to get on with my life if I resign myself to the idea that this is always how it will be.

If that is the case I guess I better start shopping for a few more cats…