For the longest time I just assumed that my discomfort with touchy feely PDA it was my problem to deal with. Mind you, I am not talking about casual hand holding, hugs, or brief kisses though I personally think hand holding is cheesy and awkward but it doesn’t bother me to see others do it. I actually find those things to be very endearing and necessary. It's the other stuff and you know what I mean.Although I come from an extremely close and loving family we are not couch spooners or neck nuzzlers with spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends. Part of my distaste for it is because I just find it downright tacky as well as lacking a certain amount of class. Have you ever seen a picture of Jackie Kennedy sucking on John’s neck? Have you ever seen one of Britney doing that (or something even more cringe worthy) to K-Fed? Exactly. Like private parts, private acts should be kept, well, private.
Those things should be done when only the participants are present no matter how close you may be to the unfortunate third party. It was my sister who validated my feelings when she agreed with me describing that behavior as “alienating”. One of my favorite married couples, Corey and Leslie, joke about how they were one of those annoyingly saccharine couples when they first began dating back in college. Leslie pointed out that the closer she and Corey cuddled on the couch the farther away their friends went. I met these two years later and have never known them to act like this which I guess is why I love to hang out with them. In that same vein, I am not afraid this post will offend any of my friends who may read this as I don't know any of them to act this way.
A couple nights ago I was at XPN Live to see Suzanne Vega where I encountered the grossest display of “affection” I have seen in a long time. After the opener I got myself a beer at the bar I sauntered over to the balcony to find a spot with an unobstructed view of the stage. I could not believe my luck when I found one right up front! What luck, though how odd that people were not moving forward into the closer spot? I soon found out why. This couple… this couple… The man was leaning on the railing and she was leaning into him in full embrace. As if this wasn’t enough to make me barf the guy was constantly rubbing this girl’s back and arms while she was kissing his face and neck. What am I to do? Should I give up this great spot or see if I can endure this? I was torn until their hummus plate arrived and I couldn’t take it anymore. They opted not to sit at the bar or at a table but have him hold the plate while she loaded up the warm pita slices and hand fed him each bite following them up with a kiss. Hell, why doesn’t she just smear the hummus on her neck so he can lick it off?
Once I moved I was able to relax and enjoy the show though I was still bothered by the lack of regard this couple had for the people around them. Did they think that we would be jealous or think “wow, they are so in love” instead of “wow; those two are really behaving inappropriately”? Sure, some would agree with me that often times the reason rooted in insecurity where they feel as though they need to have people see that someone does care for them and or find them attractive to make the relationship more real. But, does that make me cynical? And some could argue that I am jealous though I would point out that I was in a medium sized music venue full of couples of all ages only annoyed by these two people. This is something Dr. Klenk and I have discussed when I thought that I must have some emotional issues that are causing me to react this way and then subsequently how I always assume that the something is wrong with me. She assured me that there is not.
Your thoughts on this?
note: I chose this picture in hopes to entice my furry fan friends. I like to think they still read Aut, Colleen.
3 comments:
I am TOTALLY with you on this one. Overly affectionate couples in public are like left-over Mexican food, they send me running. You can be in love and enjoy eachother's company while having some common courtesy to respect the situation and environment in which you find yourself. And really, whether right or wrong, our culture is one that suggests intimate displays of affection are not acceptable in the public realm. Nobody else wants to see it, or be around it. You might as well stay home.
My sister and I discussed this further by pointing out that the couples that have the most successful long term loving relationships at the party are the ones mingling together and apart and not sitting on each other’s laps holding hands and feeding each other chips. Autumn and Ed, Corey and Leslie, Kate and Herbert, Suzy and Doug, are all secure in their relationships and never once made me feel uncomfortable. I only hung out with Will and Chrystal once (at their wedding) but I know I would be able to add them onto that list cos Hadass aint down with cheesy bullshit.
I do think it is gross. There are times when Will and I are at someone's house and we may sit next to each other on the couch and he puts his arm around my shoulder, but it is more for comfort of his arm than some message of "see, we really are a couple". I don't understand why people feel the need to prove to others that they are a couple and are somehow more romantic than the rest of us. They are actually just proving that they are more horny and immature and gross than the rest of us. Now Will does occasionally give me a peck on the lips in public, but it is mostly if we are on a date with just each other, not with friends, and it is not lingering or a slobber fest in any way. And I don't think that hand holding counts. Now butt holding does. That just looks dumb. Or when they put their hands in each other's back pants pocket. Uncomfortable looking and dumb.
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