Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Taking some "Me" time

I realize that the caliber of my posts has been on a steady decline due in part to my rigorous daily posting schedule. The past few days I could not think of anything that I wanted to write about even though things, many things, that happened to me recently are very funny. The dilemma is if I can't write them funny what's the point? I don't claim to be a great writer but I know that I am an entertaining writer. I feel that I must take more time to really consider the merit of posts and not put things up all willy nilly. Otherwise, I feel that this may turn into some 22 year old girl's open diary. That would be sub par to my standards which, as I have made apparent, are not terribly high to begin with. Also, I don't want this to be about me and things I do really, but books, music, pop culture, people, politics, and so on, that affect me or at least make me think. Ok yes, some will still just be entirely about me.

On that note I decided to address this issue by taking a posting sabbatical from time to time to ensure that the quantity does not affect the quality. In essence, be prepared for less frequent postings until I become a wittier lady.

Its for everybody sake. I do hope you understand.

That being said, before I break I must say that though I do not believe that Paris Hilton is not going to become a whole different person, I do think her desire to change her ways is sincere. It won't happen over night but it is my hope she will hit a nice stride where she balances the old frivolous Paris with one who will try to make a change.

She always appeared to be waxy and artificial in photos but in this one showing her exit from jail she looks beautiful. Radiant.

Friday, June 22, 2007

John Tucker Must Die

I didn’t see this movie but Kate did. She keeps referencing it when we talk about my most recent disappointment with the photographer.

She said:
In that movie about John Tucker, John had several girlfriends. Then on an away basketball game three of his girlfriends teamed up and used the
unpopular girl as bait and embarrassed John by coercing him into
wearing a red frilly thong. Then he snuck into what he thought was the girls'
hotel room in nothing but the thong. Turns out, it was the female PE
teacher's room. She screamed and kicked him out into the hall where EVERYBODY was
waiting with their camera phones ready. getting even is totally killer!

Next:
Listen,
John Tucker is possibly one of the best movies I've seen ALL week. It entertained me, and with it on in the background, it didn't distract me from ANYTHING else more important that I was working on at the time.
It's tops on my list.

I know it sounds pretty sucky, but there's gotta be an upside. I mean, a photographer? yeah, like anybody really wants to be romantically involved with a photographer anyway. They're always evaluating the lighting at any given time. And think about how many times a day you would have to hear the word "juxtaposition". Who needs that?
I still have 3 single brothers........ just sayin.....

And finally:
Totally watch John Tucker....it has the girl from the WB/CW classic one tree hill in it.


So if you knew Kate you would find this completely out of character. I can’t believe that anyone watched this movie, let alone Kate. Apparently its about some guy who was dating 3 girls at the same time and took revenge. I'm not a revenge person but movies about it sure are funny. Also, the premise of this movie has nothing to do with my situation whatsoever. I think Kate enjoyed it so much she was just looking for excuses to talk about it.


About the comment about her three brothers; one of them gets all hot and bothered when he puts Mr. T’s face on the pictures of sexy ladies’ bodies. Another lets his sixty something homeless friend stay at his house and once left me a voicemail that entirely consisted of random words… “traffic jam peanut butter elbow door chestnut street kittens” you get the idea. The other is like 17 and looks too much like Kate to ever be considered.

Thanks anyway!





Oh, and I love Frank Zappa so the revenge part of the movie gave me an excuse to use this picture. I guy I dated in college turned me on to him. I must say that one of the perks of dating a lot of different people over the years is learning about a wide varitey of things from their different interests.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

who likes to smoke? enjoys a joke?

I love The White Stripes. I mean, who doesn’t? Even my dad listens to them. Though, is it possible that one could love The White Stripes too much?

I think so.
http://www.laist.com/2007/06/18/icky_thump_to_b.php

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Feed Your Head

You know you want it!

Here is new book list and sadly it lacks fiction but full of interesting reads nonetheless.



As I Walked Out One Evening – W.H. Auden
Since I finished Leaves of Grass I figured I would continue to expand my poetry knowledge I moved on to this one since I really like the poem Funeral Blues read by John Hannah’s character in Four Weddings and a Funeral. I am not that good at reviewing poetry but I will say that this isn’t heavy stuff. Light, shorter poems that are quite lovely and enjoyable. If you aren’t that into poetry but feel that you should be familiar with a famous poet, this is the book for you. Another poet who is funny, clever, in an almost childlike way is Stevie Smith.

Love, Loss, and What I Wore - Ilene Beckerman
At first glance this would appear to be a novelty book but despite the simplicity of the writing and amateur illustrations by the author, it has quite a lot of depth. Beckerman recalls clothing that conjures up memories of significant times of her life. She speaks of her girl scout uniform, her prom dress (she remembers this vividly but can’t remember the boy she went with), the dress she wore when she told her husband she didn’t want to be married to him anymore, and when she lost a child in infancy. She grew up in Manhattan during the 40’s and 50’s and recounts her life through wardrobe up to the 90’s. I think I could write a book like this which makes it so special. Maybe I will.

Edie, An American Biography - Jean Stein and George Plimpton
I read this book this winter (I am pulling this one out since I haven’t been reading all too much lately) and after I finished I felt like I knew her. Before I was convinced she was this debutant socialite fashonista who wandered into the 60’s New York scene to do drugs and party. I was very wrong. Her family was fucked up. Edie was fucked up. Although her family was very wealthy two of her brothers committed suicide before they were thirty and Edie was an amphetamine addicted bulimic who was in and out of mental intuitions most of her life and sexually abused by her father. It was interesting for me to learn that relationship with Andy Warhol was only about a year and a half and she only dated Bob Dylan for a few weeks although it is believed by many that Just Like a Woman was written about her; the girl who set fire to the Chelsea Hotel when trying to cook a baked potato. This book is entirely compiled by interviews of people that knew Edie Sedgwick and her family including Patti Smith, Betsey Johnson, Lou Reed, and many more.

The night of her all too early death from an overdose of barbiturates she was at a party in Santa Barbara when a palm reader told her that her life line was very short, she replied “I know”.

How Sassy Changed My Life- Kara Jesella and Marisa Meltzer
Leslie lent this book to me the night we went to see Dar Williams a few weeks ago. Sassy changed her life, and although I read it off and on I wished I read it with the regularity that I did Teen and YM.

Santa Evita - Tomas Eloy Martinez
A book about a corpse?! So good but I will let Amazon do the talking on this one:

Among the great corpses of our age are Lenin, Mao Zedong and Stalin. Mao, at least, is still on view for the masses to see, some two decades after his demise. But no corpse engendered as much intrigue as that of Eva Peron. Elevated to near sainthood in Argentina after her death in 1952, her perfectly preserved corpse was seized by the Argentine Army following the ouster of her husband in 1955. By then, her corpse was the equivalent of a sacred relic, and while army officials wanted to keep it out of the hands of Peronists, they were loath to destroy the corpse for fear of the wrath that might follow. Tomas Eloy Martinez has reassembled the story of the corpse of Eve Peron in Santa Evita, and in the process, produced a riveting, rich book that not only tells the tale of one of the more bizarre sagas in the history of South American politics, but that also gets to the heart of the age-old human impulse to create myths and tell stories.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Can't You See I'm On the Fucking Phone?

This is how most of my afternoon went. These are my responses to everyone who wouldn’t leave me the hell alone. And yeah, we drop the F-bomb here at ASI all the time
No, I can’t do it right now. - Master Card just called me to tell me that there are fraudulent charges on my account. – No, I’m on hold. - Tell Scott I’ll call him back. – Tell him I promise. Yeah, as soon as I get off the phone.

I’m sorry but I will have to get it for you later. -Yeah, I’m going to be a while. - No, I have to call the shop where my car is at after this. - I am having a problem with the thermostat and I need a new water pump. – I know that fucking sucks. Tell me something I don’t know - I had it towed this morning and my brother drove me in - I’ll take a cab home.

No, I’m still on hold – if your going up can you just get me a Diet Coke and some crackers? – No, Club crackers.

Just put her through to my voicemail. - Well, then can you just take a message? - Tell her I will call her back as soon as I can. - I know she’s upset but she’ll deal. – Tell her what happened to my CC and car and she’ll understand.

Yes, I know we have a meeting but just tell them to wait in the back. – Can’t you help them get started? – Yes Dan, I’m still on the phone. – Well call Mike and ask him! – Wait, hold on. I got someone. – It will have to wait until tomorrow, I just got a person.

For the love of God people can’t you see I’m on the fucking phone!

And this is a picture of me and Tanya at Belmont Stakes. I got a commemorative glass with my Belmont Breeze. Like a sea breeze but less alcohol. And at $10, more expensive.

A new friend


Ugh! I know it is impractical and... well maybe impossible would be a better word for owning one of these but I want one SO bad. I would name mine Merle Haggard. "Silver wings, they're tanking you away, leavin me lonely..."

Thursday, June 14, 2007

What Is Tommy Listening To?

I bet it's my new playlist!


World Before Columbus – Suzanne Vega
I remember listening to my Architectural Drawing II one hot summer in Savannah on repeat. Playing it takes me back there being all sweaty walking to class and smoking outside on the side tables of Eichberg Hall smoking cigarettes with Chrystal. Our prof. was Scottish and really pretty. She only wore black.

The Sadness – Ryan Adams
This is off his latest album 29 and unlike anything he had put out before. It has a Spanish/Mexican feel to it plus I love it when he hits that falsetto. I just found out that his XPN Friday Free At Noon Concert is sold out. How can a free concert be sold out? I'm a little pissed I didn't know about it.

Love is Everything – Jane Siberry
She recently changed her name to Issa (eeee-sah) after a long career as a musician and conceptual artist. I am not too surprised as this woman is a new agey space cadet. I saw her perform at The Painted Bride which is a haven for performance art. She was very…beguiling.

St. Augustine – Band of Horses
Because my best is still my worst.

Hold On, Hold On – Neko Case
Leslie and I are gearing up to see her with Rufus Wainwright in August. Girlfriend loves the reverb and the reverb loves her. I find it interesting that when I saw her at the Troc Martha Wainwright opened. Her voice is jaw dropping.

What Are You Doing The Rest of Your Life – Barbara Streisand
The recording of this song I have is off Just For The Record… It is a demo so when she sings it you feel like Babs is right there in the room with you. I hear she is touring again. You have to pay for the whole seat but you'll only need the edge.

Yer So Bad – Tom Petty
Not a huge Tom Petty fan although I will check out his albums whenever one drops. Why you ask? Because of this song.

The Ride – Joan as Police Woman
This song is hot off the presses and worth checking out. I heard it on XPN where I agreed with Jim McGuinn (host of Y-Rock) that it is mesmerizing.

Travis – Love Will Come Through
The world needs more songs like this.

I Want To Marry You All Over Again – Derek Webb
How sweet is that title? New music you would be wise to check out.

King of Yesterday – Jude
This is a catchy pop song that I discovered on an episode of Felicity (her senior year). I don’t care what anyone thinks; the two Felicity soundtracks are fantastic.

In Love But Not At Peace – Dar Williams
I am going through a Dar renaissance these days in part to all the driving I have been doing during the weekends for the past couple months. Her music is great sing-a-long stuff for the car.
“The moon hangs above like a Valium pill and I say that I will be fine but I don’t think that I will. But today I have work and I like it that way, It's a case of a still life gone cinéma vérité ”
I used that lyric for a paper on a David Lodge’s “Nice Work” at Villanova. The professor loved it so much he started listening to Dar. I like to validate my love for reality tv by calling it cinéma vérité.

Accidental Babies – Damien Rice
This is a hopeful yet realistic song about the parts of our future happiness we cannot control and not knowing if you will love someone forever. That fear.

Fire Sign – David Berkely
I’m a fire sign (Leo) and so are both my brother (Saggittarius) and sister (Aries). I went to World Café to check out his show where I ran into my friend Marissa at the bar who had never seen him perform. I told her “he is really good live but his albums are a total snooze fest”. Right after I said that he came out to greet his buddies who were right in front of us and I noticed they looked at me when I said it. Open mouth insert foot.

Papa Can You Hear Me?


In most situations it is the boss who nags you and wants to have meetings and such. Not here at ASI. I am constantly begging for the attention of my two bosses Mark and Alex. Because of this I have become a loud talker, interrupter, and very assertive. I wasn’t always like this and its hard to turn it off when I am not at work. You see, I have a lot of shit I have to take care of but before I proceed I need to discuss it with either Mark or Alex or both. It’s like herding cats to get them to pay attention to me and I find myself standing over them, confiscating their cell phones, and following them into their offices closing the door behind me. I am sick of playing this waiting game! Yesterday it hit a boiling point and decided to take action. I had issues with the Union, questions from a District Attorney about an upcoming litigation, and I had been served with a subpoena for records that I need to talk to them about. So I left them this note on their both of their chairs.

They have yet to respond.






cc. Mark Tanney, Alex Schwartz, Helen Gilbert, Daniel Schwartz

Can you spot Charley?


Here is proof that being a big dork is in my blood.

This is my sister’s dart team “I’m With Charley” that she has with her science nerd friends.

She and her husband Special Ed are on the left.

You can buy one of their new shirts, which I am sure you all will.


Monday, June 11, 2007

Off to see a Shaman


I won't have too much access to a computer so I won’t be posting for a couple days. Don’t worry; I’m still alive and kicking.
I can't wait to tell you all about the insanity that was this past weekend when I get back.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Dreamboat Alert!


It is probably abundantly clear to all of you by now that I am a bit of a Francophile. I love all that is French; art, music, fashion, perfume, history, language, food (even as a vegetarian I still shamelessly crave foie gras), and especially French men and especially this one right now:
Sorry, they took the video down but I will check if they put it up again. His name is Julien and he is a contestent on the French Version of American Idol; Nouvelle Star.

Now he can add stolen tag lines to his list of verbal faux pas.

Isaiah Washington was just canned by ABC so he won't be coming back for the next season of Grey's Anatomy. I'm not sure how much I care yet but I am worried about how I will adjust to the change. Like those groups of girls that cry and shit at high school graduations about how things will never be the same. I was the girl who was looking at them thinking "hell yeah, I fucking hope to God things won't be the same. Now lets all go get really drunk and smoke some weed."

Whatever. So Isaiah released the following statement in response to ABC's decision to show him the door:


"I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!"


Huh. Did anyone ever see the movie Network? If you have this post will make sense to you.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

When Paris Suffers, We All Suffer


This was just sent to me by my favorite German-American, Tanya Niederhoff.


vielen Dank

(Is that right?)

I don’t know whether I believe in me but I still believe in my friends.

For my hundredth post I want to say how much I appreciate all of my friends who read all of the ridiculous, futile, self indulgent, and irrelevant belles-lettres I manufacture here.

It’s comforting to know there is never a lack of arms around me.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Move Over Agent Provocateur


Advertising can be risqué business when you have a multinational campaign. Flipping through French Elle Magazine the other day I saw this ad for Sonia Rykiel’s perfume Belle en Rykiel. Hmmm, I know Sonia Rykiel is a pretty crazy designer in a Vivienne Westwood, Alexander McQueen kind of way but I find it interesting that a fashion designer would be selling a perfume and the model not wearing her clothes. Or any clothes in this case. I am curious to see how they are going doctor this image for American fashion magazines where advertisements with topless ladies don’t fly. Maybe they will Photoshop a pretty undershirt on her or have her holding her boobs.

I think this may be more effective if this sexy ingénue was hawking men’s cologne but how would I know. I’m just a simple apple pie to sophisticated French women’s tart tartine.

The Solution To All My Problems


I was going to wait till I did it to share but I just can’t. I’m too excited about my new plan. As always, it starts with a story…

Last night around 8 I got out of my Pilates class in Northern Liberties and as usual on my way back to my car I stoped at the stables behind Liberties Walk to feed the horses. I find it very peaceful and therapeutic plus I think the horses like the company. Well, I was doing just that when I heard Harry Kalas’s (Phillies long time broadcaster) voice coming from the backyard of a house adjacent to the stable. I walked over to peak my head over the wooden fence and saw three guys, about my age, sitting on lawn chairs, drinking beer, and watching the game on a T.V. they pulled outside. T.V. outside? Brilliant!

Here’s the thing; I like to watch baseball and Clay, not so much. Clay usually monopolizes the T.V. which is fine cos we like most of the same stuff and he pays rent so I don’t want to rock the boat. Besides, asking him to give up the T.V. for Phillies games every night isn’t exactly the same as when I make him let me watch Two and a Half Men on Mondays. Oh well, I figured if I really wanted to watch it I could just go to Timmy’s house now that he lives so close to me.

Back to Northern Liberties… I guess I was so fascinated by the idea of watching televised games outside that I didn’t realize how long I had been standing there till one of them got up to get another beer out of the cooler and spotted me. Then they were all looking at me. I froze. “Uh, hi. I’m sorry, I was just waiting to hear the score…” Not a bad recovery I don’t think considering I totally dorked it. “No its cool” one of them laughed while he opened the gate. I felt even more stupid when he looked down and saw that I was holding 2 carrots and a handful of sugar cubes (for the horses). “Want a beer and watch with us for a bit?” At this point I thought fleeing would make me look even weirder so I tentatively and awkwardly walked into the yard, sat down on the cooler and sipped the Amstel Light they handed me. I stayed for two innings making small talk and such before I told them that I better be on my way, thanked them for the beer, and went home.

On my drive back I figured that I could put our extra T.V. in the back window and watch the games every night sitting outside in my backyard on a lawn. I can see myself lighting some citronella candles, grilling vegetables on the hibachi taking full advantage of warm summer evenings. Pure bliss.

As soon as I figure out the cable wiring logistics I will be gearing up for the best summer ever!

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

What's in a name?


As I was flipping through a rent roll today at work I realized that we had quite a few tenants that have interesting names that I thought I would share with you. I compiled this list in the dentist’s office while waiting to get my teeth cleaned.

Bunny Hare – She’s the director of the Delaware Valley Stroke Council. I haven’t spoken to here in a while but she can be pretty high maintenance. She lives in Gloria’s (our accounts payable person and thorn in my paw) building. I don’t know if Bunny is short for anything. Hare is her married name though.

Dr. Jennifer Mellfee – Not spelled the same as the Soprano’s Dr. Melfi (Lorraine Brocco used to be married to Harvey Keitel. I don’t know if you knew that but they had a stormy Baldwin/Basinger type divorce.) Anywho, she’s also a shrink but for children so hopefully the television character association is lost on her young patients.

Dr. Dick Hole – This name is tailor made for a Bart and Lisa crank call to Moe’s. I can’t figure out why he wouldn’t just go by Richard instead of Dick. He’s old so maybe he doesn’t realize. To make matters worse his wife’s name is Anita. I can’t make this shit up. Anita Hole. Oy vey.

Leonard Cohen – No, not the notorious lothario bard who penned such classics as Everybody Knows and Hallelujah, but a middle aged tax attorney. I wonder if he thinks sharing this name is a good or bad thing. I’ll ask next time he calls.

Tinkleman & Tidwell DMD & Mini Implants – I just think they are funny names for two dentists who work together.

Jack Frost – A CPA who is another one who I wonder why he doesn’t use John instead of Jack. He likes to wait until he gets really worked up over something before he calls and bitches me out. He is really nice to me in person but a lot these self important professionals I deal with get really ballsy on the phone and say things they never would to me in person. He always gives me a nice fat Christmas gift check so I put up with his bull shit.

Louise Gehrig – So, she isn’t a tenant anymore but she used to be and we all would call her Lou Gehrig. She could also be a major beeyatch and so I started calling her Lou Gehrig’s Disease. I was quite proud of myself for being so clever but nobody else in my office thought it was particularly funny.

Francis & Mailman – The founding partners in this law firm are James Francis the other Mark Mailman. When I first started working here I got confused and called Mark, Francis Mailman. He corrected me a few times but it still took me a while to get it right. This annoyed him greatly.

So there you have it! My name isn’t funny but it is hard to spell so tenants just call me That Fucking Bitch at ASI. (just kidding I get along with most of them)
I guess when it comes to names some of us have our crosses to bear.

Monday, June 4, 2007

I Wish I had A Sylvia Plath

Late Saturday afternoon I was feeling a little down so after a little nap I rolled off the couch and headed over to TLA Video on Spring Garden. I do not have Netflix, nor do I patronize Blockbuster, Hollywood Video, or any other large commercial video rental. Not that I don’t think that their deals are great which they are but TLA is different. It’s like a mom and pop establishment with employees that really knowtheir movies. They have guided my rentals when I have asked what their opinion of the best Norwegian thriller is or what documentary was best for understanding the Spanish Civil War and can even quote Katherine Hepburn lines from A Philadelphia Story. I will admit it, I have been tempted to jump on the Netflix bandwagon for the convenience and I always seem to accumulate late fees. I just can’t do it. I feel like I would be cheating on them and that they would feel the same. Not only can I rely on them to offer me personalized service, but they are also some of the funniest people I have ever met. They know me by name but as I found out that balmy Saturday, they actually really care about me.

I entered the store looking quite disheveled. My clothes didn’t match, my hair was like a blond cotton ball from not blowing it out and letting it air dry in the humidity, no makeup, and a substantial cut down my leg from walking into the foot board of my bed and I was just to lazy to clean the wound. I hadn’t fully woken up from my nap so I walked in a daze around the store before I finally made my selection.

“Hi guys. I would like Sophie’s Choice, Days of Heaven, Babel, and The Sweet Hereafter.

They both looked at each other and the following verbal exchange ensued:

“No. I will only rent three of those to you.”

“What? Why the hell not?”

“We are going to have to cut you off… like a bartender would.”

“I thought you people weren’t supposed to judge? (I sigh) Just give me the movies.”

“Colleen, this selection is obviously a cry for help. We don’t want you to do something foolish and have to read about it in the paper. We would be losing one of our best customers.”

“Well, although I am slightly put off by your motivation I appreciate your concern. I’m not in the mood to argue with you so I’ll drop The Sweet Hereafter.”

“Do you want to offset all this with Arsenic and Old Lace? I know you really like that movie.”

“No thanks.”

“Here, we have a copy for sale but you can have it for free if you promise to not rent so many movies that could have you buying razor blades and running a hot bath. You won’t get all Esther Greenwood on us now? You don’t have a crawl space do you?”

“(Rolling my eyes) No, and I promise. Thanks you guys. Its really sweet that you care but I’m fine, really. I just always wanted to see those movies.”

“Ok. We care about you and don’t like to see you like this. You usually have a noteworthy balance in your rentals.”

“I’m glad you note that. Bye now.”

“Take care.”

Would Netflix monitor my selections and evaluate whether I can handle so much depressing drama? I think not. I think I’m ok. Though, I have had a strange craving for Pink Floyd lately.

Now, if they would only wave my late fees…

Friday, June 1, 2007

The Days Of Wine And Roses


“Hi. My name’s Stephen.”
“Hi, I’m Colleen.”
And that is when the trouble began. He was the bartender and I was the cocktail waitress at a jazz club/restaurant in Savannah and for the rest of my time living there we were practically inseparable. Thick as thieves, partners in crime we were, friends till the end. We lead the “fast crowd” at that time and though we both cleaned up our act and moved on we still remember that insane time one of the best in our lives. We both loved cocktails, Johnny Mercer songs, swimming at night and each other. Whenever I think about him or talk to him all I remember is constantly laughing. He called me last night and we joked about how we would sneak onto the roof of the DeSoto Hilton in the middle of the night and get stoned while looking over the most beautiful city in the country.

Today is his 30th Birthday and I want to wish him the best one ever.

(doesn’t he look a bit like Ryan Adams?)