As I was flipping through a rent roll today at work I realized that we had quite a few tenants that have interesting names that I thought I would share with you. I compiled this list in the dentist’s office while waiting to get my teeth cleaned.
Bunny Hare – She’s the director of the Delaware Valley Stroke Council. I haven’t spoken to here in a while but she can be pretty high maintenance. She lives in Gloria’s (our accounts payable person and thorn in my paw) building. I don’t know if Bunny is short for anything. Hare is her married name though.
Dr. Jennifer Mellfee – Not spelled the same as the Soprano’s Dr. Melfi (Lorraine Brocco used to be married to Harvey Keitel. I don’t know if you knew that but they had a stormy Baldwin/Basinger type divorce.) Anywho, she’s also a shrink but for children so hopefully the television character association is lost on her young patients.
Dr. Dick Hole – This name is tailor made for a Bart and Lisa crank call to Moe’s. I can’t figure out why he wouldn’t just go by Richard instead of Dick. He’s old so maybe he doesn’t realize. To make matters worse his wife’s name is Anita. I can’t make this shit up. Anita Hole. Oy vey.
Leonard Cohen – No, not the notorious lothario bard who penned such classics as Everybody Knows and Hallelujah, but a middle aged tax attorney. I wonder if he thinks sharing this name is a good or bad thing. I’ll ask next time he calls.
Bunny Hare – She’s the director of the Delaware Valley Stroke Council. I haven’t spoken to here in a while but she can be pretty high maintenance. She lives in Gloria’s (our accounts payable person and thorn in my paw) building. I don’t know if Bunny is short for anything. Hare is her married name though.
Dr. Jennifer Mellfee – Not spelled the same as the Soprano’s Dr. Melfi (Lorraine Brocco used to be married to Harvey Keitel. I don’t know if you knew that but they had a stormy Baldwin/Basinger type divorce.) Anywho, she’s also a shrink but for children so hopefully the television character association is lost on her young patients.
Dr. Dick Hole – This name is tailor made for a Bart and Lisa crank call to Moe’s. I can’t figure out why he wouldn’t just go by Richard instead of Dick. He’s old so maybe he doesn’t realize. To make matters worse his wife’s name is Anita. I can’t make this shit up. Anita Hole. Oy vey.
Leonard Cohen – No, not the notorious lothario bard who penned such classics as Everybody Knows and Hallelujah, but a middle aged tax attorney. I wonder if he thinks sharing this name is a good or bad thing. I’ll ask next time he calls.
Tinkleman & Tidwell DMD & Mini Implants – I just think they are funny names for two dentists who work together.
Jack Frost – A CPA who is another one who I wonder why he doesn’t use John instead of Jack. He likes to wait until he gets really worked up over something before he calls and bitches me out. He is really nice to me in person but a lot these self important professionals I deal with get really ballsy on the phone and say things they never would to me in person. He always gives me a nice fat Christmas gift check so I put up with his bull shit.
Louise Gehrig – So, she isn’t a tenant anymore but she used to be and we all would call her Lou Gehrig. She could also be a major beeyatch and so I started calling her Lou Gehrig’s Disease. I was quite proud of myself for being so clever but nobody else in my office thought it was particularly funny.
Francis & Mailman – The founding partners in this law firm are James Francis the other Mark Mailman. When I first started working here I got confused and called Mark, Francis Mailman. He corrected me a few times but it still took me a while to get it right. This annoyed him greatly.
So there you have it! My name isn’t funny but it is hard to spell so tenants just call me That Fucking Bitch at ASI. (just kidding I get along with most of them)
I guess when it comes to names some of us have our crosses to bear.
6 comments:
We have a realtor that refers us clients sometimes named Fluffy McDuffie. That is her real name. Her married name is actually Tambke, but she still goes by her maiden name for the cute effect. Hey, it is a name you remember. We also have an account rep for one of our vendors named Carol Carroll. She married into that name. And one of our clients is name Georgette Bush. She married into that as well. She is very flighty and when you ask her to repeat herself for any reason, maybe because her cell phone is bad or something, she starts spelling everything and talking loudly.
Oh yeah, and we also have a client named Dr. Dume, pronounced du-may, but we all call him Dr. Doom. He is not a pleasant man to deal with.
Don't forget a favorite from our Art Museum days: Olive Turnipseed
Oh, and I can't believe I left out Laura Hyman-Graber, actually pronounced Hymen-grab-er. How unfortunate is that? I think if I were her, I would drop the hyphenated name thing and take my married name. But then again, I married into Butts, so I have no room to talk. People kept asking me if I was going to hyphenate my name. Yeah, because Moss-Butts has a nice ring to it.
Wait, your name is Chrystal Butts? We have an alumni named Kamonporn Thong-On.
Thanks for giving away my alias Keith. Yes, that is my name. It goes to show that you really don't pick who you fall in love with. Of all the men I had to meet and marry, I had to pick a Butts. I had always hoped I would get some cool French last name or something. I guess I could say my last name is Le Butts.
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